Donna Hoke
4 min readJul 17, 2020


If you are still with me, thank you, thank you! We are so close to the end and I could not have done it without you. Even you who don’t say anything, I know you’re there and it means a lot to me.

I don’t have much to say by way of introduction this week, but you are getting an entire scene! I’m curious to see how you feel about this scene works, how you feel it might work on stage. I think it has so much directorial potential and really would allow these two actors to showcase contrasting comedic styles.

I also wanted to talk about another thing on my revision to-do list and that’s to start each monologue with a different joke and to vary them among different joke styles. The idea is to not only contribute to the overall humor theme that has developed but also to give each monologue the feeling of stand-up, at least initially. There’s also an overarching purpose for this that will become clear later, but I also can’t help but feel if this play were in development, there would be a lot to mine there. But that’s for the future. For now, I just need to start coming up with all those jokes, which you won’t get to see, so I just wanted to explain how I thought that might work when I go through and add them in.

For now, let’s join FINDING NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, already in progress!

(We’ve just come off of Cha’s monologue about her sister) Turns out it was benign and she went back to being perfect. SCENE 13
CHA-CHA: I can’t sleep. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: I can’t sleep. KATIE … CHA-CHA: Do you have a passion? KATIE: … CHA-CHA: What does that really mean? KATIE: … CHA-CHA: A brain doesn’t pay attention to boring things. It dies a little. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: That’s why comedians are judged every twelve seconds. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Melinda told me once I was my own worst enemy and imagine what life would be like if I made a truce with myself. What does that mean? KATIE: … CHA-CHA: I should call her. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: How do we find enlightenment? KATIE: … CHA-CHA: My dad told me the secret to being funny. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Do you want to know it? KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Melinda never acted like she was better than me. She just is and we both know it. CHA-CHA: … KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Pickle My Fancy isn’t bad. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: But pickle green isn’t a pretty color. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Cherophobia is not the fear of gypsies, tramps, and thieves. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: It’s the irrational fear of being happy. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Cher and Cher Alike. The brightest, most audacious red. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Aliens have- KATIE: No. CHA-CHA: What? KATIE: I don’t have a passion, not like you mean. I like making people happy. Making life easier for them. Being a good friend. I just can’t measure that in dollars or projects or paintings. Oh my god, I really did kill Tonio! I bored the last part of his brain. I wish I was a comedian because being judged every twelve seconds is better than being judged every two seconds and I’m not better than you and you don’t have to be a bitch trying to prove you’re better than me. Try meditation. I hate it because it puts me to sleep so even if you don’t find enlightenment, you might shut up. And for the love all things in the universe, tell me the damned secret! CHA-CHA: You didn’t kill him. You’re not that boring. KATIE: I am. I’m not a fun mom. I’m not a fun person. That’s why Pete left. CHA-CHA: He left because he’s an asshole. KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Didn’t expect that, did you? KATIE: It’s the nicest thing anybody’s ever said to me. CHA-CHA: … KATIE: … CHA-CHA: Laughter is a gift someone chooses to give you. KATIE: What? CHA-CHA: That’s the secret. Nobody needs to tell you you’re funny. They just have to laugh. KATIE: Is that all? CHA-CHA: You know that even if you’re hilarious, only like twelve sitcoms get made a year. KATIE: I really don’t want to peddle a sitcom. CHA-CHA: Neither do I. KATIE: Can you try to meditate now? CHA-CHA: Cary Grant. KATIE: Go to sleep! CHA-CHA: I think we’ll find him tomorrow. CHA-CHA and KATIE get ready for bed. They are not talking. They get in each other’s way and they still don’t talk. They get into the beds. With each thing CHA-CHA says, KATIE can or can’t react; sometimes she might almost speak and the pause is longer, maybe she rolls over. The suspense of when she will answer builds.


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Originally published at http://blog.donnahoke.com.



Donna Hoke

Award-winning playwright, Dramatists Guild Council, founding co-curator BUA Takes 10: LGBT Short Stories, xword puzzle maker, author, blogger, word slayer!